What the fuck am I thinking?

I turned 39 in November 2013. My daughter was 7 months old. My husband and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary nine days later. I was generally very happy. I still am. Except that I'm fat. I know I'm fat. Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it doesn't. Hey, I like food. But I want to be a good role model for my daughter. I want to be able to chase her at the park. I want to be around to see my grandchildren. Plus, I read an article that talked about how adult children have no pictures with their moms growing up. This struck me because I often delete pictures of me and my daughter together because I am embarrassed of how fat I am. I want to be in the pictures. All of this brings me back to my 39th birthday. I set two goals for myself before I turn 40: learn how to put on eyeshadow and run a 5K. It is now June 2014. I have 5.5 months before I turn 40. I better get on it. So I downloaded the Couch to 5K app on my phone. Let me be clear. I hate running. But I admire runners. I think they look so fit and healthy. I don't want to be a string bean; I like my curves (and so does my husband). I want to look like a runner. I have a very, very, very long way to go. I plan to follow the program pretty closely - repeating days/weeks as necessary. I will not go faster than the 3 days a week recommended by the program because I don't want to use burning myself out or injury as an excuse. I am going to try to avoid getting on the scale (I know my starting weight). I am just going to see what happens. Monday June 2, 2014: Week 1 Day 1. The best thing I can say is I didn't die. I am slow. I am ridiculously slow. I was a sweaty beast when it was over. I thought to myself more than once, "What the fuck am I thinking?" Still, I did it. Wednesday June 4, 2014: Week 1 Day 2. I hated every second of this. I thought about saying, "Fuck it." I was again a sweaty beast. I've mentioned to some people I started the program. They are encouraging. Honestly, I find myself thinking, "OMG if so and so can do this, I have to be able to." Apparently I'm a judgmental bitch. Shame on me. I have to admit, I felt pretty good about myself when I finished today. So that's it. We'll see if I can stick with this program...and if I can manage to remember to blog about it.